Graaf #7

My father is a wonderful man but I haven’t seen that man in a long time. There is something that has a hold of him so tightly he can’t or doesn’t want to find a way to set free. I want to be the answer to the most difficult battle he is facing.

Blood shot eyes the faint smell of mouthwash on his breath to try to hide the stench of vodka. My father is no longer taking care of his body he has given up and there is nothing I can do about it. Do you know how hard that is? I am the only child so I feel like I am the only one that can help him through this. After work he gets home sits upstairs in front of the TV with a cheap bottle of vodka by his side. I want to rip that vodka bottle out of his hand and throw it out the window, if it were only that easy. My father has his good days and bad days but lately it has been pretty bad. He has received help in the past, we all have. We had to go to the AA meetings and talk about our feelings. He managed to stay sober for a few years but it started to go down hill again after I moved out. In his mind he is fooling everyone but in reality everyone knows and wishes he would get help. When he was sober you would look into his face and see a man who was full of life, now you see a man that has no life left. Why can’t he go back to the way he used to be? Doesn’t he know he is just wasting his life away? These are some of the many questions I ask myself daily.

I know my father is the only one that can help himself he needs to admit he has a problem first. Until then no matter what anyone tries to do he will continue to drink. I try to hold onto to the man I once knew as my father. I will continue to do whatever I can to help him through this but hopefully one of these days he will realize there is more to life then just himself. I won’t and I can’t give up on him.